From very early on in my tenancy, I notified you that I was being discriminated against by Phil Campbell, because I am mentally disabled, and that he also belittled my disability, as well as being generally unprofessional.
Every time I reported this I was told I was not being discriminated against, and that I would not be provided with an alternative point of contact as Phil was the tenancy officer for my flat, which was very distressing.
Suspecting that discrimination and abuse on the level I was experiencing it could not be hidden, I put in a subject access request and got back evidence of what I had been telling you all along, which was that Phil had been discriminating against me since my flat viewing. I believe this evidence is a very small fraction of the discrimination I was being subjected to by Phil within your office walls. If Phil felt safe to put his discrimination in emails, which he did, what did he feel safe to verbally say knowing that there would be no permanent record?
I don’t see how you were not aware of this behaviour. Either you didn’t care, or you made no attempt to investigate.
Therefore, you as an organisation have not only discriminated against me, but have allowed me to be abused by a person in authority, because I am vulnerable.
If I was in a wheelchair and I reported disability discrimination, would it have been taken more seriously?
How about if I was black, and reported a racist housing officer?
I don’t want answers these questions, they are for you as an organisation to examine?
You will find no matter how you answer these questions you as an organisation are in the wrong.
If you wouldn’t have taken these other examples seriously, then you are knowingly allowing your staff to abuse all vulnerable people.
And if you would have taken these other examples seriously, as an organisation you are saying you too do not believe the mentally disabled should be treated with respect, or given appropriate rights to disability support, and disability suitable accommodation, and that it is fine for your staff to abuse and mock us.
It is obvious that Phil himself was aware that his behaviour was unacceptable, as he tried twice to avoid sending me the information that I requested via my subject access request.
Personally, I feel his discrimination of me is criminal, in and of itself. Isn’t disability discrimination illegal?
However, it is my legal right to access my data, isn’t willingly attempting to deny me my legal rights a crime?
So what is trying to deny me my legal rights to cover up discrimination?
If I took this and the evidence I have to say a solicitor, what would they make of it do you think?
In my first subject access request, I asked for everything you held on me.
What Phil sent me was just letters I had handed into yourselves.
Therefore, I was forced to send in a second request listing specifically what I was after.
Phil then sent an email complaining that I had been given what I requested within the timescale stated to somebody (information redacted – why wasn’t I sent this persons emails about me? Is it because you still haven’t actually provided me with everything as I requested? If you haven’t why? I am the subject of these emails, so I am entitled to them. What are you hiding? If I got a solicitor to send you a DSAR asking for everything you hold on me, would I actually get it this time? – I would like everything you hold on me as it is my right under the subject access request laws. Everything. Absolutely everything. this is a data subject access request for everything you hold on me. And I would like somebody other than Phil Campbell, or anybody named in this complaint, meaning an impartial third party to deal with it.)
This is a lie.
Therefore, Phil is a liar.
This email seems to be a request from Phil to ignore as he puts it “what he finds excessive to say the least,” as though his opinion matters in this case. The law states I can request it. Therefore it is not excessive. However, it has been proven that it was not excessive because I got what I expected – evidence of Phil’s discrimination, belittling, and unprofessionalism.
This email is proof that Phil is unprofessional. It is it is his job to deal with DSARs, and I expect to do so without complaining about it and trying to get out of it.
Phil knew I was going to get proof of what I had been saying all along about him, and he tried to prevent that happening.
However, I believe you were aware of the existence of this document all along, due to the fact that just days after filling out the request, Phil Campbell made allegations that my mother was verbally abusive to him on several occasions, which was not true.
Either, Phil Campbell is unable to differentiate between a person raising their voice because they are distressed, and a person raising their voice because they are being aggressive and/or abusive, or he was simply unwilling to deal with me and/or my mother, and no longer had what he believed was a valid excuse not to speak to us -denying me the support I need, because I am severely disabled, which is my mother speaking to yourselves on my behalf, knowing if he did this I was incapable if doing it myself and therefore he didn’t have to deal with us.
Regardless of which it is, Phil Campbell is not suited to his role, which I am sure brings him in to contact with many vulnerable disabled people every day. He is a danger to those people.
I do not believe it was a coincidence that Phil made these allegations just 21 days after that request was stamped by yourselves.
My mother admits that she raised her voice on the phone, but it was because she was distressed by having to deal with Phil Campbell, we both were (and I’m going to go into why later in this complaint).
As for the incident he says occurred in March, it didn’t happen at all. Me and my mother have never screamed Phil’s name out in the reception, why would we when we had been asking for anybody else to deal with instead? We had made it clear that we needed another point of contact. We literally wanted nothing to do with this man, as evidenced by your letter, where you say he will still be dealing with us.
There was no CCTV of this incident. And, I am sure if it had indeed happened, we would have been asked to leave the office, a record of the event would have been officially made by the staff who witnessed it, and Phil would have refused to deal with us then, as it was blatant, and had been for a long time, that he was looking for any excuse not to deal with us.
You state in this letter that I would still be able to contact you, but I was not able to contact you, as I am severely disabled, and part of my disability is that I have severe communication difficulties. Even if this wasn’t the case with my communication difficulties, I could not have dealt with Phil Campbell myself as he was discriminating against me because of my disability, which was terribly distressing for both me and my mother.
You also stated that I would need to arrange for another family member or friend to help me if I needed to come into the office. I have nobody else. You were aware of this. You asked me several times who I had to support me before I moved into this flat and after, and we told you nobody. I believe I would never have been moved into this flat if I had other people to support me. I believe you saw two vulnerable, disabled women and decided to take advantage of the situation, and put me here in this flat you knew was an awful unsuitable place, knowing that we had nobody to help us, and so I would be stuck here in this flat you were unable to rent to anybody else.
If during this six months, say my boiler had stopped working, I would have had no choice but to go without heating or hot water for however long it took me to feel up to contacting yourselves, and if I had then struggled to communicate with your staff in a way your staff felt was “appropriate” I might have just been hung up on, and had to go however long it was before I felt up to calling again. I do not mean hours to days, which would have been bad enough, I mean weeks to months.
You put me in a very dangerous situation, because you sided with a man in a position of power and authority over me with very little evidence to back him up, who was making false, malicious claims about me and my mother because he dislikes mentally disabled people, and in doing so you contributed to his discrimination and abuse of me, and put me in a very dangerous situation where I was cut off from you for six months.
For several years, you denied me the right to appoint my mother as a point of contact on the basis that I am the tenant, even though I am severely disabled, and one of the reasons I am classed as such is because I struggle to communicate with other people.
In particular, Phil Campbell insisted that he would not deal with a third party on my behalf under any circumstances, while also stating that if I struggled to communicate with him when needing to speak to him, he would not deal with me, which is discrimination alone.
After filling out a request in your office, in the presence of a staff member, stating that I authorise my mother to deal with you, which was also dictated by the staff member and stamped, you then claimed no such authorisation existed, and yet, it has been sent to me as part of my subject access request.
Not only has this caused me difficulties and distress with having no choice but to try to communicate with you, it has restricted my access to get help with things when I desperately needed it.
Last week, I followed the link in the automated message that housing options sent me when I first emailed them to ask them how I request a subject assess request in July, and found a page where it allows you to request one, which I did.
Let’s see if they actually acknowledge my request this time.
On moving day, after the moving company left, and I finally got to have a good look around, I was shocked to find that the flat was much filthier than I thought it was on the day of the viewing.
As we tried to clean, it became obvious there were bigger issues than simple dirt, and the longer I lived there, the more I learned those issues included several life-threateninginfestations.
All of my guesses at what the crap covering everything was, was certainly correct to a point, for example, the inside of the toilet was covered in human waste, so I expect the outside was to some extent too, however what other parts of the crap was, I never could have imagined because I had never lived in a slum before becoming a Torus tenant.
Now I know the bath and tiles in the bathroom weren’t dirty, they were mouldy, as were the blinds in the bedroom, which I couldn’t replace, due to the window they were covering also being mouldy, and in such a bad condition we couldn’t get it off.
Probably, predicably, the carpet didn’t look like it had been cleaned, but that could also have been mould, and it was infested with flees.
There were bloody handprints smeared along one of the walls in the bedroom. I found the source of this blood when the flees forced me to rip up the carpet. Whoever had fitted it, had cut themselves badly on the carpet grips, bled all over the flat, and never cleaned it up. And just to show you how much blood had not been cleaned up, it was obvious they cut themselves in the Livingroom, yet there were puddles of dried blood all over the hallway and bedroom floor, underneath the carpet.
Behind the door in the bathroom was a heated towel rail that was so rusty we couldn’t remove it all.
The entire flat was covered in either male body hair, pubes, or a combination of both.
When we were cleaning the kitchen, I noticed these hard, weird black lumps that sort of resembled instant coffee grounds, but which felt like they were glued down, and theywere in only the lower cupboards and not the cupboards up on the wall. The reason for that, I found out later, was because it was mouse crap. Which means the brown puddles next to it must have been mouse piss.
The first time I tried to open the top draw of the kitchen cabinet, it fell off and almost took my toes off with it, it smashed me in the foot that hard.
The previous tenant had left behind grimy, rusty pans, a mouldy shower curtain, and a virgin media box, none ofwhich Torus removed, because the probably never even inspected the flat before letting me view it, or after.
During the viewing, Phil, the housing officer, must have caught me either staring at the mystery crap stains in the kitchen, or pulling a disgusted face as I accidently touched one, because he assured me the flat would be clean when I moved in.
Like an idiot I believed him, even though with hindsight it seems obvious it wouldn’t be, as it should have been clean when I viewed it.
And as if to confirm he was telling the truth, a man carrying a vacuum cleaner turned up while I was there and said he was going to clean the carpet.
Around the base of the toilet, on the lid of the toilet seat and around the toilet was, was black and brown chunky dirt, that resembled faeces.
There were orange and black grimy looking stains all over the bath and on the white tiles around the bath.
Over the sink, on the black tiles, were hard yellow lumps which appeared to be glue.
I did not go inside the bathroom, just observed from the doorway.
The bedroom
Another room that I did not go inside and just observed from the doorway, was the bedroom.
Other than the blinds, which looked dirty, from the outside, the rest of the room looked fine, and I planned on getting my own curtains anyway.
The kitchen
Although the kitchen work tops were darkly coloured, so hid most of the crap that was on them, I could tell it was there, as they were sticky wherever and whenever I touched them, and the cabinet doors, which are a lighter fake wood design, were splattered in crap, in a variety of different colours.
The living room
Like the bedroom, the living room appeared pretty much ok, other than some paint that was missing from the wall where it seemed a TV had been mounted.
The carpet
Excluding the bathroom and kitchen, the entire floor of the flat was carpeted in this dirty looking white shag carpet.
It happened just before the implosion of the penthouse crew.
When Mel told me about it, she claimed it had traumatised her. Yet, to me, she seemed completely unaffected by it, but I acknowledge that my judgement of her here would be both ignorant and hypocritical. After all, I am apparently empathy impaired meaning I struggle to, and sometimes cant, read peoples emotions and intentions, and due to my borderline personality disorder, I don’t behave how people expect a person to behave, ever, but especially in stressful situations.
It happened, if I remember correctly, on a Saturday morning. The residents from Gubbys other third floor, which was where Mel lived, had been out the previous night in central London.
The girl whose screaming woke the entire third floor that morning had brough her boyfriend along, as he was visiting her that weekend.
By the time Mel, who lived opposite her, made it into the corridor, several of her neighbours were already out there, trying without success to force open the unlocked door of the room the screaming was coming from.
“She’s behind the door, and she wont move,” one of Mel’s neighbours explained.
Another was speaking to the girl behind the door, trying to find out what was wrong, and persuade her to move away from the door.
Mel was a larger woman, both tall and sturdy, yet even when she charged the door, it didn’t budge.
It took several of the largest women to open the door just wide and long enough for the smallest of the group to squeeze through.
What she found inside had caused her to leave university, because she most definitely was traumatised.
At some point during the night, while his girlfriend slept, the vising boyfriend had hung himself from the hinge of the door, which made sure it shut and locked behind you.
Panicking, she had pulled open the door while he was still hanging there, desperate to flee, but instead closing the hinge, which severed whatever it was he had used to hang himself, causing him to fall on top of her.
Despite housing options being adamant that they would not take my disabilities into consideration when rehousing me, which they didn’t, they did inform LMH that I had recently been sectioned for a failed suicide attempt.
I also told them this, at the viewing.
Yet, there are several places both inside my flat and in the communal area, that are perfect places to hang yourself from.
1. The stairs in the communal hallway.
The staircase in the communal hallway has a metal banister, and no mesh guard on the first floor. This means that unlike a wooden banister, that you would have in a normal home, it wont break under the weight of an adult, and because there’s no guard rail you can jump over the banister, possibly snapping your neck in the process of hanging yourself. However, there is a bend in the staircase in between the ground floor and first floor that is high enough for five foot me to hang myself from.
2. The closing hinge on my front door
The is a reason psychiatric hospitals do not have those v shaped hinges at the top of doors that make sure the door closes behind you, which the one on my front door doesn’t even do, so it is useless, unless of course you want to hang yourself from it, which bring us full circle as to why these types of hospitals don’t have them, they are perfect to hang yourself from.
In fact, I knew of a person who successfully hung themselves from one of these before I was even sectioned the first time.
3.The heated towel rail in the bathroom.
4. The weird square handle on my cupboard door in the hallway.
I have taken a quick look at my first few complaint entries, which I wrote in 2022.
It seems I thought that the best place to begin was with my first housing officer, Phil, and how he discriminated against me because I am disabled and abused me.
Current me agrees this is the best place to start. However, while doing this I believe I need to include information not relevant to this part of my complaint, rather to the part about the condition and suability of my flat, because both Phil and LMH completely ignored all this when they should not have at the time they offered me the flat and allowed me to move in.
So, here is my current plan on how I am going to approach my complaint.
First, I am going to talk about the parts relevant to the conditions and suitability of my property that both LMH anPhil ignored, which were obvious issues at the time of my viewing and when I moved in. These will likely be straight to the point lists.
Then I am going to tell you about my first housing officer. This will probably be in my usual style of autobiographical stories.
After which, I am going to go straight into my complaint about my housing officer, including any evidence I currently have.
The second type of dissociation I experience is much stranger, and is the “out of body type”, which is apparently common among suffers of borderline personality disorder.
What isn’t common apparently, the way I experience it.
Others say that during this type of dissociation, they watch themselves do things from outside their own body.
For me, it is how I image a playable game character must feelwhen somebody is playing as them. It is as though I am trapped inside my body, while somebody else is controlling it.
So, finally, here it is, the new form of memory dissociation, that writing my post about my flat viewing caused me to discover I have, and what has made it impossible to write about so far, I have floating memories that my brain can’t put in order at all.
The only way I currently have to describe it, which I admit doesn’t come close to explaining well what I am experience, is if we use the alphabet method.
I have the event, in an order I am not sure is correct, which is let’s say –
BDOSGKXRQ
But I also have
The number one, a triangle shape and the colour blue.
When I recall the viewing in my mind, my mind tells me things happened in an order I am not sure is correct, but there are other memories that are definitely from the viewing that I cant place at all, just floating along the event timeline searching for the place they fit but never finding it.
Doctors have told me this type of dissociation, meaning dissociation that effects your memories, is caused when your brain purposely chooses to hide memories from you.
As I understand it, my brain makes the memory, retains the memory, but buries the memory for whatever reason.
Whether this is true, I’m not qualified to confirm.
However, based on my own experience, I would say it probably is true, as I have at least one recovered memory.
This is a missing piece of the episode that led me to be sectioned in 2018,d and was missing up until around 2020 or 2021 when it hit me how I imagine flashbacks hit people.
By the August of 2018, when I was sectioned for the second time, I was experiencing another form of this type of dissociation, which seems to occur exclusively as a result ofsevere borderline episodes, at least in my case.
This form does not affect me in the moment. Instead, it affects me when I recall the even, whether that be on purpose oraccidentally. When I do, pieces of the episode are missing and/or mixed up.
If you want an example of when this has happened to me, in regards to the missing pieces, you should read my story about the second time I was sectioned.
In regards to both the missing and missed up pieces, this will be discussed in my post about my flat viewing, which I am currently in the process of writing, and which prompted me to write todays posts.
However, I am still going to explain how this affects me here, just using a different technique to an anecdote.
During the time I was sectioned in 2018, I was told by a student psychiatric nurse that these types of episodes are common in patients with bi polar disorder, and that I described them in the most understand and accurate way anybody had ever descried it to him, this is the way am about to describe it to you now,
Imagine my episode is the alphabet-
Sometimes the memories I have of it are similar to-
B D G K O Q R S X
Whereas sometimes the memories I have of the are similar to-
Around the time I was diagnosed as having borderline personality disorder, I was having thoughts that did not feel like mine, that in the moment I found funny and euphoric, which told me to
1. Slit my throat.
2. 2. Set myself on fire
3. Set my house on fire, lock myself in the bathroom, then set myself on fire.
One trigger in particular, was opening my post.
I would sit there sometimes for hours staring at my post trying to fight these thoughts, that wordlessly, told me, I did not have to open my post, as I could open my throat instead.
When I came out of these episodes, I was understandably frightened and distressed by them.
On the morning of the day I was last sectioned, I put the post that had just arrived on the pile of unopened post that lived on my coffed table. It was a mess of a pile, completely disorganised and scattered, with other items unintentionally mixed into it. As I placed the new letters on top, the pile shifted, and as the letters began to fall, a knife slid out.
Horrified, because I knew, I had sat there prepared, or preparing, to end my life instead of opening my post, but having no memory of that event, I decided I needed to go to psychiatrist crisis team right then.
Quite possibly the scariest form of this type of dissociation, at least that I have experienced, is having no memory that an entire event even happened until I stumble upon evidence of ithappening.
It begs the question- What things have I done, or what things have happened to me, that I will never know, that I did, or that it happened?
These events can be as mundane as doing a load of whaling, or as serious as a suicide attempt.
As you may know, if you follow me on social media, I took up cross stitching the July of 2022.
A few weeks ago, I was working on a larger piece, which I was only a few hours away from completing, and I had picked out the next piece I wanted to do.
After a really stressful couple of days, I decided to do some cross stitching to try to calm myself down.
When I went to pick up my almost finished piece, it wasn’t there. In its place was the piece I planned to start next, and it had a good few hours of work put into it.
Now, even more stressed than I had previously been, I looked inside the box where I keep my finished pieces, and there it was, folded neatly on top of the pile.
For weeks, the event I’ve just recounted plagued me. I couldn’t stop thinking about it and how scary it was that I had been walking around in public doing stuff I had no memory of doing.
Eventually, I went to my GP surgery, and saw a doctor, who we’ll call doctor Harding , because I actually think that washis name. I described the event and the impact it was having on me in great detail.
His response was that I was just tired, and he didn’t seem even slightly concerned.
Still, to this day, I wonder what happened during my first experience of missing time.
Me, and my then boyfriend, were buying a house on a very stressfully rent to buy scheme when this took place.
This scheme gave us six months to save up a six thousand pounds deposit, while living in, and paying rent on the property, at a reduced rate.
If we did not have the six thousand pounds for the deposit by the end of the six months, we would lose both the house, and our credit ratings.
What made this period of my life worse, was that as soon as entered into this agreement with the property developers, my previously friendly colleagues began to bully me.
The event
(Which, I am going to tell in exactly the way it felt like it happened to me.)
On this particular day, I had not had time to make a lunch for work, so being both on a tight budget, and at this time being an undiagnosed binge eater, I decide it would be sensible to take just enough money with me to buy a sandwich and a bottle of water.
I left the office, went downstairs, outside, and next door, to the Sainsbury’s, where I had gone regularly to buy my lunch before being on such a tight budget. I headed straight for the “meal deals” section, grabbed a sandwich and bottle of water, but not a snack, as I didn’t want a meal deal, then joined the queue.
Sitting back down at my desk, I immediately realise something was wrong. Not only did I have the sandwich and the water, I also had snacks and all the money I had taken with me.
What I did not have, was a receipt and memory of being served.
This caused me to panic.
What had happened between me joining the queue, and sitting back down at my desk?
More importantly, had I paid for my food?
There are probably thousands of scenarios, I just can’t imagine, that could have led to me having my food and the money I took with me, but in the moment all I could think was that I must have left without paying for them.
Because this was the first time I had ever experienced this type of dissociation, I was an emotional mess. With a mixture of fear, worry and distress, fuelling me, I gathered my items and ran back to the Sainsburys.
When I asked the cashiers if I had just been served, one of them actually remembered serving me.
Part of me felt so relieved, I wanted to cry.
Another part of me wanted to request to see the CCTV, to see how the event had played out, but I knew I would be allowed to, and the cashiers were already looking at me like I was weird, so I just thanked them and left.
Explaining dissociation in an understandable way, can be extremely difficult. It’s hard to not only get across the severity of dissociation in comparison to normal, everyday memory loss, but also the severity of the impact it has on your life, as well as your mental and emotional state. For these reasons, I have decided it would be best to explain how this type of dissociation impacts me in subsections, then, where needed give examples of when it happened to me, or how it affects my memories in general.
Before I go any further with my autobiographical stories and complaint regarding Torus housing, I need to talk about a symptom of my illness, called dissociation, and how it affects me.
There are two ways, right now, that I am aware of it impacting me, and I am going to discuss both, however, at the moment, only “Type A” is important for you to understand while you are reading my posts directly preceding and following todays. I have spoken about this type before on my blog, if I remember correctly, it was on my post regarding my second suicide attempt (when I count my suicide attempts, I only count those I have been sectioned for, which is two. I won’t explain why now, but I will in the future) which happened very close to the events I am currently writing about.
So, why do I want to discuss it again?
Several reasons-
1. I don’t want to keep repeating myself, and I’m sure you don’t want me to keep repeating myself…
2. Also, it takes me off topic.
If I write a stand-alone post on it, I can add the link as and when it needs explaining, then new readers can follow the link if they want to.
3.While writing my account of what happened at my flat viewing, I discovered a new way “Type A” effect my memories, which has made it very difficult to write.
If I have a stand-alone post and this happens again, it will make it much easier for me to add new information.
4. I want to document how my illness affects me, while it is affecting me, for advocacy and educational purposes.
Also, I remembered I requested information on how to get a DSAR from them, and they did not get back to me, so I will be following that u as I believe they aren’t allowed to ignore my request.
These are my thoughts since writing about housing options.
1. The city council staff are referring vulnerable people to them without being honest as to why, what it does, or that it is the city council.
2. They are turning people away who meet their criteria for help.
3. Their staff either don’t have the correct, or adequate, training in what disabilities are and the appropriate support needs for certain disabilities, or they are choosing to ignore disabled people, and their support needs.
4. Five years on, because they chose not to take into consideration that I am disabled, and need appropriate disability accommodation, I am in a much worse situation that I would have been if I had allowed them to refuse me help like they wanted to.
After I wrote about what happened with housing options, I attempted to do some research on them. I did not find much but here is what I found-
1. They are Liverpool City Council, and not a separate organisation.
2. They should have helped me without acting like they were giving me special treatment as I was sure that the house was going to go into the process of being sold within eight weeks, as we had already had repeat viewings by the same people at this point.
I was correct about this, and I had to leave as soon as the process began.
If you would like to learn more about housing options, heres a link to their page on the government website.
For this short post, we are going to jump ahead by around a month, to the day I signed my tenancy agreement with LMH.
What I overheard, that morning while I was sat waiting for my appointment, confirms everything I speculated on in my previous posts, about the city council enabling housing associations to abuse vulnerable people.
When this happened, I honestly didn’t know what to make of it, in terms of whether the potential tenant was telling the truth. Regrettably, if you had asked me to guess, having no experience as a Torus tenant yet, and growing up in a housing association property that was immaculate, I would have guessed she must be lying. Mainly though, what would have swayed me more than anything else, would have been my incorrect belief that housing associations would not have been allowed to rent out dangerous properties.
The woman in question, arrived visibly upset, pushing what appeared to an almost newborn baby in a pram. She was very young. She looked to me to be in the age range of sixteen to eighteen years old.
Despite being a literal child and extremely distressed, she managed to explain her predicament particularly well to the advisor at the public help desk. Her and her daughter (the baby in the pram) where homeless and currently living in a homeless shelter, which we can all agree, is no place for either a teenager or a newborn baby. LMH had offered her a flat, which she did not bid on, and when she went to view it, it had a serious damp and mould issue in the bedroom.Understandably, because a damp and mouldy flat is not a safe place for a newborn baby to be, she had refused the offer.LMH had then gone to property pool and claimed that this literal child, who was doing what was best for her newborn baby, had refused a perfectly good property. As a result of this, because she was in band A, property pool had removed her from their website, basically sentencing these two literal children to indefinite homelessness.
When she complained about the state of the property she had been offered by LMH to property pool, to try to get back on their website, they told her that she needed to get LMH to notify them that the property they had offered her was not suitable for her, which is why she was there that morning, to request that they admit to property pool the flat they offered her was unsafe.
From what she said I immediately understood the situation she was saying they had put her in, which I now believe they had, and what she was requesting they do, yet the advisor didn’t seem to, as she kept referring the girl back to property pool, adamant that not only would they not have let her view a flat in that condition, but what ever problem she was now facing was a property pool issue, not an LMH issue.
Now, I know, due to my experience with Torus and the state of my flat not only when I viewed it but when I moved in, the advisor understood perfectly well the predicament this girl was in as a direct result of their actions, she just didn’t care.
She did not care that these two literal children were now going to be indefinitely homeless because Torus tried to take advantage of the fact they were vulnerable, and she didn’t let them.
What would baffle me about this, if I wasn’t aware of how petty and vindictive Torus staff, and Torus as an organisation are, is why they would turn away what was seemingly a long-term tenant. They could easily have offered her something suitable, right? But, they didn’t, because all their properties are dirty, run down, dangerous slums, which is how they want them, probably because it means less work and more profit for them, and if you try to defend yourself against their abusethey will punish you in any way they can.
Direct matches, in regards to housing associations, are when a housing association directly offers you a property that matches your needs, without you bidding on it.
At least, that’s how it’s supposed to work, apparently.
However, as you have probably guessed, that’s not the case.
In my experience, what they actually do, is identify the most vulnerable people and offer them hard to let properties.
I was extremely vulnerable when I was offered the flat that I am now going to die because-
• I’m disabled mentally.
• Had just tried to kill myself.
• Had just lost my job due to my mental disability.
• Was losing the house I owned due to both domestic abuse and losing my job.
Direct matches are the other part of how I ended up in this dangerous and disability unsuitable property.
Torus offered me this a direct match, and as you know form my property pool post about 2018, I had no right to refuse it, and if I had, I would have been removed from property pool, and been left to become homeless indefinitely.
Property pool is a UK government/city council website, where housing associations put up their available properties, then desperate, vulnerable people bid on them.
In my opinion, property pool is awful just for that reason.
However, it has a lot more issues than that.
1. How are actually homeless people meant to access the internet?
2. In band A- which is for homelessness, a lot of the available properties aren’t even built yet, and in most cases won’t be for over a year. At least this was the case in 2018.
3. You have no property refusals in band A. Which means you can’t refuse any property offered to you for any reason. This leaves some of the most vulnerable people open to abuse by housing associations, because it means they can offer you run down and/or dangerous properties, and you have to accept them, or you will be taken off property pool. It also means that disabled people can’trefuse a property offered to them that isn’t disability suitable.
This is part of how I ended up in a dangerous disability unsuitable property myself.
This entry is to say thank you to everybody who read todays post. I know I am very rusty at writing, and that this is not gripping subject matter, however I need to get it out there, and as quickly as I can, so I apologise that my writing is probably not going to improve while I detail everything that I have been through with Torus Housing, as my focus is on getting it written and published, but I hope you will look beyond this for now, and come back to read each post, to support me,
Let’s start at the very beginning, with my visit to an organisation called housing options.
It was Liverpool city councils one stop shop who referred me to them, instead of helping me themselves, when I went in to enquire as to how I could get myself on the list for a housing association property.
This was just days after I had been discharged from the psychiatric hospital, I had been held in under a section two, for making an unsuccessful attempt on my life.
Around the august of 2018, I had been forced to resign from my job at Santander UK, due to them denying me disability support, my doctor and psychiatrist had requested, several times since around the July of 2016. Due to how long and hard my battle for reasonable adjustments had been, the disability I was requesting support for had gotten significantly worse, and because I had not been able to work for a large part of those two years I spent fighting Santander, I had run up what felt like a huge amount of debt in order to eat and pay bills.
In the weeks between my resignation and suicide attempt, I had been receiving temporary EAS payments. On the morning of my suicide attempt, I had received a letter telling me it was going to be stopped.
I was desperate and panicking when I went into the one stop shop. As well as having zero income and mounting overdraft, I was having to sell the house I co owned with my abusive ex-boyfriend, and had nowhere else to go, once it sold I would not only be homeless, I would lose everything I owned including furniture I was still paying off on credit.
The reason the man who worked for the city council, said he was referring me to housing options was due to me being both vulnerable, and having a disability, which would need taking into consideration when it came to offering me a property.
So, trusting that I was going to be helped by this organisation I had never heard of, I allowed him to make me an appointment with them.
What actually happened was the complete opposite.
Like the majority of the borderline episodes (meaning borderline personality disorder related episodes) I have suffered in public, I remember very little about the actual event, however I do recall enough to know that I was not treated with the appropriate care, and which gives me reasonto believe nobody else was/is being/or will be where housing options is concerned.
Upon my arrival, at 9am, there was already a man, aged roughly twenty, who appeared to be highly agitated, sitting in the tiny waiting area. His mum was at the desk, enquiring asto how long they would likely be waiting, as her son had a mental illness which caused him problems remaining “calm” and in one place for even short periods.
The receptions was neither understanding, nor compassionate. She forcefully replied that if her son left he wouldn’t be given another appointment, and ordered her to sit back down.
After timidly giving my details to the same receptionist, I was called into a private room.
On edge, due to how the other woman had been spoken to, I sat down and tried to explain to the man my appointment was with that I have memory issues, and asked could he please note down any important information or advice that he gave me in just bullet points, such as go here, do this.
His attitude had been off when I entered the room, like I was inconveniencing him by making him do his job. Yet, I did not anticipate the reaction I got. His expression changed to a level of annoyance I feel even I would struggle to reach, and he very aggressively barked at me that he could not do that as there simply was not enough time, then he shoved a leaflet at me and sort of sighed exasperatedly, “Why are you here?”
Honestly, I didn’t know why I was there. I had never heard of them before the man at the council referred me there, and the staffs’ attitudes had caught me completely off guard, so I just stared at him unable to answer, wanting to say that I had expected him to tell me why I was there.
For a few awkward and endless seconds or minutes that stretched out forever, he stared back at me silently, until I blurted all of that out, then began recounting my conversation with the man at the one stop shop.
He stopped me almost immediately, notifying me that I would not be put on the housing association waiting list until my house actually sold, and I was literally homeless.
This caused me to break down into hysterical snotty sobbing as I rambled in circles about how I would lose everything I owned if that happened.
This is the first occasion I lost time.
My next memory is of me sat in that same room alone, only now I wasn’t hysterical or afraid, I was furious, and I knew I had acted under the influence of that fury.
I waited for over fifteen minutes for him to return. When he finally did, he was in a mood that I was unable to interpret. He could have been angry, worried, or some other similar emotion. In a tone that confidently suggested he was doing me a favour he shouldn’t be, he said they were going to start helping me straight away. His expression did not match his voice.
Though I am missing a bit more of the conversation here, I think its more due to nothing memorable happening here and the passing of five years, rather than dissociation.
The next issue arose when he questioned me on my disabilities.
When I answered that I had borderline personality disorder, he told me in the same manner that he greeted me in, and I quote, “We don’t take mental health into consideration when rehousing people, because everybody suffers with mental health.”
I attempted to explain to him that borderline personality disorder is not a mental health issue, it’s a very serious mental illness, and that mental health and mental illness are not the same.
For some reason, he took offence to this, and snapped at me. It must have been far worse than when he had previously snapped at me, as I don’t remember what he said, just the shock of being spoken to in such an aggressive manner by a person I was asking for help.
The next memory I have is leaving the office in tears.
Hello. Welcome back to the psychotic girls guide to surviving the human apocalypse, though, for now, not exactly as you know, may remember, or might like, it.
The content I will be writing certainly isn’t what I want to be writing, but it is now or never, as at best it might save my life, at worst I hope it will secure murder convictions for all those who are responsible for ending my life.
I understand this probably sound dramatic, but I assure you I am not being dramatic at all. If I don’t get the help I desperately need soon, these words will likely be coming to you from a body that can no longer speak and write, or beg and fight for help, because instead of residing in a mould and anti-social behaviour infested flat, it will be residing underground, cold and rotting.
If you have read my blog in the past, or follow me on social media- mainly twitter, you may recall I took a break from writing my blog, around the June or July of 2022, to gather evidence for two on going issues I was dealing with. One of these issues I was gathering evidence of was the anti-socialnoise coming from both the flats directly above me, and next door to me, but in the block of flats that joins onto the side of my block. This noise was, and still is, exacerbating and triggering my disabilities – which are borderline personality disorder, non epileptic attack disorder, and (now) asthma.
My reasons, and plans, for gathering all this evidence was-
1. To give to the police (who said they wanted it, then never followed up)
2. To give to the housing association (in a way they could not deny I had evidence, and which would be availablefor an inquest into my death.)
3. To write a huge complaint to my housing association, which I would send privately by email as well as post a copy of on my blog, so that I left- a. proof I sent it in, as it would be in my emails sent box
b. publicly available proof of what was in the complaint- again for an inquest.
c. but also to eventually send to the housing ombudsman.
You see for five years both me and my mum – on my behalf, have made complaints to my landlords/housing association, who are Liverpool Mutual homes/Torus, about both the mould and antisocial behaviour that have at best been ignored by them, and at worst has resulted in them saying I am the problem because I am disabled, while making derogatory and stigmatising remarks about my disability and how it affects me, and accusing my mum of being abusive, when she is reasonably and understandably upset, and just sounds upset, all because we are asking for my flat to be made disabilitysafe/suitable, and when you understand the issue are noiseanti-social behaviour, mould and rats, it becomes even more clear that Torus are abusive and should not be allowed to be anybody’s landlords, as nobody, not even an non disabled person, could live in my flat and not become physically and mentally unwell, but I am not a physically or mentally well person to begin with.
Yet, when we then go to the housing ombudsman, we are told that have not given Torus sufficient opportunity to resolve my issues, and if my issues are in fact real Torus will deal with them as they are legally obligated to do so.
In the November and December of 2022, I resumed writing my blog, which included currently unpublished parts of my complaint, however I was too sick to keep it up.
Now almost a year on, I am forcing myself to start writing my complaint again, as well as hopefully some anecdotes of what has been happening to me over the last five years.
These posts will have no schedule, in regards to when I write or publish them.
My intention is to write as much as I can when I can, while also gathering evidence, then publish both my writing and evidence once the part I have been working on is complete.
I would love to post it daily, but with everything that is going on and how sick I am, that’s probably impossible. It would be good if I could post weekly, but again that might not be doable every week. So, if I can only post some parts monthly, that is what I will do.
If you are reading this, then my first piece is either up now for you to read, or will be up later today, depending on whether the mobile phone data gods are angry with me on the day, because as you probably already know, or have been able to guess, I don’t have home internet, and if I did have it, it would be money going to waste, because I have been trying to move out of that flat, and have gone through several periods where I have been unable to stay there over the last five years, that means I can’t get home internet, so have to use mobile data and Vodaphone aren’t happy that I only use my data.
Please, if helping me, is something you have the power to do, do it.
You won’t find anybody who will be more grateful for your help than me.
If not, I ask for your support in anyway you can give it. Please interact with these posts, and the links you followed to get here- comment, like, share, so that I can raise more awareness of my situation, and hopefully reach people who do have the power to help me.
Me: Hi youv asked me to dm you but the noise has stopped now its all the time tho im not well and keep being passed around you say go to the council the council say go to torus torus say go to you so nobodys doing anything
The police: good evening, if they are just making noise being loud it would not be something we could deal with but if they are violent or aggressive with each other or towards yourself then it is something we would take a report on
Me: theyv attacked me before so please give me advice what do you do when you have a medical condition that they are triggering that could kill you but no body wants to help and you cant ask them to stop yourself do I just wait for the seizures that kills me? Its a genuine question do i just wait here to die because nobody wants to take accountability?
The police: was it reported to police when you were attacked? what noise issues are they making from the address when the incidents happen?
Me: ye and you came out to arrest me for being attacked then said if i wanted to pursue charges against her youd charge me to
The police: there will have been a lot more to it than you being arrested for being attacked you would not just be arrested for being attacked by someone. what noise issues are they from the address, what do they do?
Me: i phone you 100 times you said you wouldnt come out like you have tonight so i went round and knocked on the window and while i was talking two men jn side she came out snd attacked me from behind she admitted she came out to “move me” i had in juries and your officers turned up and said they were arresting me so if you know what part of it im missing please do let me know
The police: for noise issues police would not attend, the officers who will have spoken to yourself and the neighbour would have advised you on who to contact about the problems but it isn’t something the police can help with. if you are unhappy about how the attending officers dealt with the incident then you can make a complaint but we are unable to help regarding the noise sorry.
Me: So thats a yes wait to die of seizure then ok thank you for the clarification that as far as merseyside police are concerned I wait here to die. have a nice night good bye
Monday was supposed to be my first day back exercising after my black out in the street two weeks ago. However, I was unable to sleep at all on Sunday night, meaning that I couldn’t do anything but lay in bed today, because of my antipsychotics. Although I wanted to spend the afternoon and night sleeping, I didn’t actually manage to fall asleep until the early evening.
Day 107: Tuesday
Due to my lack of sleep over the last two days, I didn’t wake up until 2 pm.
No matter what time of day I wake up, I always need a couple of hours before I can function properly, because of the medication I take at night. Another thing I need before I can do anything else is breakfast, meaning food and a cup of coffee. By the time I was ready to go running today, it was already getting dark, making it too late for me to go.
Day 108: Wednesday
My notes say that I saw my mum on Wednesday. As I can’t remember this day, being that it was almost a month from the day I am writing this, I can’t expand on it.
Day 109: Thursday
On Thursday, I finally managed to go for a run!
Not only am I clock watching, which is dangerous, as I am taking my eyes off the road and not concentrating on what I am doing, I keep stopping mid run around the 1 minute and 30 seconds mark, because I’m struggling to breathe and I’m severely hallucinating.
In between the three quarter point and the end of my first lap, I’m almost hit by tools that a workman is throwing out of a garden. He is sat on the ground, so he cant see if there are any pedestrians nearby, and this is a main road.
On the same stretch of road, there are a lot of wet, sleepy, leaves. When I try to think of a way to avoid slipping on them, all I can think of, like about when it gets icy in a few weeks, is go to the gym or buy a treadmill, neither of which I can afford, so this really depresses me. Plus, even if I did have extra money, I’m desperate for new running clothes, as I have just had to throw away three pairs of running shorts, and I have no running rainwear, or high visibility clothing.
Day 110: Friday
Friday is meant to be an exercise day, but I don’t go for my run due to a BPD episode I have which is triggered by a letter from my landlord, about the antisocial behaviour I’ve been reporting for the last three years, that basically accuses me of lying. I wont say more here, but I may write a post about this in the future.
Day 111: Saturday
On Saturday I’m still struggling with the episodes that started yesterday, so, again, I don’t go for my run.
Day 112: Sunday
On Sunday I have a ton of washing to do, and I’m running out of clean clothes, so I have no choice but to stay in and get a couple of loads what I most urgently need done.
As my ankle has been feeling normal for the last couple of days, Saturday is meant to be a test day in order for me to decide if I can start exercising again. However, when I wake up, there is no question as to whether or not I am going to start exercising again, because I have no choice but to, even if my ankle is still injured. The reason for this, is that I am dreading my run to the point that I don’t want to go, and I am aware that the longer I take off the more this dread will grow, until it is so bad that I can’t go. You might think that I am being dramatic, but I can assure you I am not. Look at how quickly walking and running became an activity I wasn’t able to miss. The same is happening because I haven’t been for a run for so long. The only explanation that I have for this, is that I am borderline, so things quickly become who I am.
This isn’t me saying that I don’t care about my ankle, and the long term effects that running on it, if it is still injured will have on it, I am, but if it’s still injured I am going to need to see a doctor about it, and getting doctor’s appointment will take me awhile. While I am trying to get a doctor’s appointment, I will need to keep running, so that I don’t put the weight I have lost back on. After all, if I become overweight, that’s going to affect my physical health more than an ankle injury.
Every day I don’t go for a run at the moment, could be the day that breaks me as a runner.
When I begin, my ankle feels a bit uncomfortable, and I quickly noticed that I am leading with my left foot. what I mean by this is that every time I start running or change from walking to running, I am pushing off with my right foot and landing on my left, which means that my left foot is constantly taking that initial impact, which seems harder than it is during walking and running. I wonder if my broken shoe or injury has caused this, and make a conscious effort to try to use both feet equally.
Although I know it’s going to be difficult, I start from the progress point I was at before I had my surgery, this is 3 laps of 2 1/2 minutes running, 2 1/2 minutes walking. I do this because I have worked too hard to get to the progress point I am currently at, and I am determined not a fallback progress wise. From the beginning, I struggle and feel as though I need to stop, but I tell myself that; I have done it before, so I can do it again; that other people have done it, and if they can, I can; if it was easy it wouldn’t be worth doing; I need the challenge to keep me interested and engaged.
I somehow complete 3 laps of 2 1/2 minutes running, 2 1/2 minutes walking.
Sunday
Sunday should’ve been a rest day, but as I got up late and I’ve done hardly any writing this week, I want to fully dedicate tomorrow to writing, and in order to do that I have to go for tomorrow’s run today.
After not exercising for so long, going for a run two days in a row is a massive mistake. I’m exhausted as soon as I start running, and my right knee is aching. It also looks as though it’s going to rain heavily. Luckily, it doesn’t.
At the beginning of my second lap, there is a huge group of large black birds circling two semi detached houses, as they scream. It’s so bizarre that without realising it I stop to try to get a better look at what they might be doing. This is impossible as I’m not wearing my glasses. As I watch the birds, a teenage boy on a bike stops, takes out his phone and starts recording them. I think about doing the same. It’s only then that I remember I am on a run, and leave the teenager and birds to it.
By the time I reach the two houses on my third lap, both the birds and boy are gone.
Near the end of my second lap, I’m almost hit by a bike, from behind, which is becoming too much of a regular occurrence.
At the end of my second lap, I debated whether or not I need to call it a day and go home. The answer is a solid yes. Yet, I don’t.
This is another mistake.
At the beginning of my third lap, I accidentally run through a patch of nettles, which have grown out of a garden fence and quite far onto the pavement. They cause my skin to become itchy and sting, but it doesn’t blister.
By the halfway mark, I’m so tired that I keep needing to pause, and by the 3/4 mark I have no choice but to walk the rest of the way home.
I completed 3 laps.
Monday
Monday is a rest day.
Because I am still terrible at writing my journal notes, I don’t write this weeks until Monday. I need to get into the habit of writing my notes immediately.
Since phase 1- week 1, I have wanted to change my run schedule so that Monday is the first day of my running week, but it has never felt like the right time.
The benefits of changing would hopefully be, that it would be much easier on my memory, and would help me plan my weeks, phases and progress better, and maybe farer in advance. My hope is that as a result I become more organised.
Due to all the time I’ve had off over the last few weeks, as well as how badly I am struggling, now seems like the perfect time to make the change.
This is because it will provide me with 3 extra running days during phase 2, if I make Wednesday to Sunday a half week, rather than causing me to lose days.
I make up my mind, this Wednesday to Sunday will be half a week.
So will you be sending me a new subject access form out then too?Please provide an address i can send a complaints letter to via post as i will now be employing a solicitor in this matter Thank you
These emails are sent by several different people.
In your initial request to us, you asked for copies of ‘telephone calls from August 2020 from me and my phone number, to include July if possible’. These as well as the audio versions of these calls are what have been provided.
The call logs are the transcripts of the phone calls you have made.
The redaction removes third party and police technical data, it is not your personal information.
I can confirm that your Subject Access Request form exists (see attached as 1. Data Request), and as confirmed above, using the references you kindly provided I managed to locate the footage. It has since been posted out to you and should be with you either tomorrow or Monday. The delay in it being provided was due to me not being able to locate it.
We have used Egress for several years as it is a secure method of sending large quantities of information via the internet, it allows us to by-pass the need for physical documents which, if sent via post, could end up being lost.
It is not assumed that the requestor knows Egress exists, and we are more than happy to confirm the veracity of the programme itself and the security it offers it’s end users.
I have attached a copy of our Subject Access Request form should you wish to make a new request.
For complaints, you can either contact our Professional Standards Department via the online form:
I understand you are reluctant to speak with anybody on the phone, but should you change your mind I am more than happy to speak with you regarding your Subject Access Request.
Hi, further to my now dozens of emails to you am writing with and official request
-for recordings of all calls that i made to you and form my mobile number this is in excess of ten and yet i have only received two or three please provide all the recordings
-i now want paper transcripts of all these call too
-i have been told the paper transcripts that i have received are suspiciously, heavily and wrongly redacted because i am entitled to know what was being said about me by third parties during the call as these comments not only could be libellous or discriminatory but could have lead further to any confusion or unfair or criminal actions by the police
-this also goes for any systems that you use and i have been told that you would have no need to hide or redact information about this and how and where information was logged communicated sent etc
-i requested body cam footage i still have not gotten and have been told both it does and doesnt exist
– i have asked several times DO YOU have my subject access request form there and got no response please answer this question
-please explain why nobody emailed me to tell me about egress or that you used it and why it was just assumed i know it exists and how to use it and if this is your process for all requests
-please provide me with your process
-please acknowledge that this email will be dealt with how it will be dealt with and when i can expect this information as its been over a month already since i put this request through
-if you are not going to address any of these issues please send me reasons as to why along with a new subject access request form which i can take to a solicitor etc to deal with as well as a paper complaints form or an address to write to
it was the eighth of august i have attached both my videos where they tell me they are also recording me and an email from yourselves confirming that there is in fact body cam footage https://youtu.be/M_D0QPm0dC4https://youtu.be/NSf3XuY24UQ
These emails are sent by several different people.
If you can provide me with the dates then I can do another search, but based on the dates of the logs and the numbers of the officers I cannot find any.
These emails are sent by several different people.
The files have been put in the post, and I have requested they be sent by either recorded or special delivery. With regards to the Bodyworn footage, I will double check for it now.
when and how can i expect it and also can i also get a reason why it wasnt provided or some proof that it wasnt request because this is looking more and more like you have tried to not provide me with the requested material i remember ticking body cam footage its one of the only things i remember about filling out that form but i do remember it clearly
None of this email is missing at this point I am frustrated with being messed around by the police.
and will i be getting a new subject access request form in the post be because i remember body cam footage being a tick box on the form and i ticked it so its information i know im entitled to but for some reason you havent provided it
As per my update on the 7th of October 2020, I have submitted my findings and I am awaiting a response. Due to a high volume of work the Sergeants are taking longer to review work.
The logs have been redacted to take out third party details and police technical information. The two other files are audio files, they will work any media playing software.
I will how ever put the disclosure in the post today and have it sent out via special delivery.
Should you still wish to complain about your response, this can be done in two ways:
Hi, I dont want to speak to anybody from the police over the telephone as previously stated. I have just logged back in and half the files dont open the other are all written transcripts heavily redacted. I am heavily medicated at the moment and so I might be wrong on what I asked for but this doesnt seem to be what I wanted do you still have my subject access request form there. I wanted audio of the calls I made all the calls from my mobile number and all the calls if possible that I am the subject of and the body cam footage from that night. Can I get this by post. As stated in the transcripts I have been seeking legal advice on this matter and will be taking it as far as I can through the iopc the legal system and even through parliament if I have to which is why I want audio and video and I need it on a permanent medium. I have video of that night which actually shows that some of what is reported about me in the underacted parts is a lie such as I slammed the door in the polices face. They were done they were leaving they could no longer even be bothered to discuss the situation with me and were telling me to deal with it in the morning so I shut the door. My concerns are very valid and evident and honestly I think what needs to be done is that police need to no longer be allowed to deal with well fare checks. I think the police know that my concerns are valid too and thats why I am not getting what I asked for so if its not going to be provided id like a new subject access request form sending out as well as an official complaints form.
(I have redacted information both at the beginning and end of this email which includes the personal details and contact details of the emails sender)
The sender of this email is the same person as the sender of the emails in part one, part three, part four part six, part nine and part eleven.
Since we last spoke I have conducted a number of enquiries and received responses from officers involved. I have drafted my findings which will be reviewed by my supervisor. You will receive my findings in writing in due course.
Hi, I am looking for an update on what is going on with my complaint as the last time I heard from you was two weeks ago and you said you had contacted the officers involved and were waiting for a response.Can i also ask how much body cam footage you have as what I have been sent is less than the amount of time I was told by the officer I was being filmed and I am wondering why this is?Also what I have as short as it is shows an inappropriate sarcastic attitude from the officer filming me who was the one who can be heard enjoying himself and taunting me in the video is sarcasm professional behaviour during a welfare check? Because to me it shows that he was not behaving with compassion or my safety in mind.
I have tried to contact you on the mobile number provided but there was no answer.
Before we try any other options, I will resend your response via egress, once you receive my email please contact me on (I have redacted the telephone number provided.) and we can walk through the process together.
None of this email is missing I had just reached the point where I was fed up of messaging about it.
and when they respond that they were doing it for my own good again and that i have no legal rights do i have a way to progress this further with the ipoc or any other police bodies or is that when i start legal proceedings for discrimination because i have the polices attitude in my heavily redacted documents which is that you as an agency dont see how its a complaint which sounds more to me like you as an agency dont actually care and that was during a call where i expressed my concerns that putting a saw through the door of a woman you apparently genuinely think is suicidal is a stupid and in appropriate thing to do he told me that doors solid im not im made of meat if that saw came through the door and i was on the other side of it do you think my mother would have thanked you for how you conducted the well fare check she called in they ask me in the video whod be liable if i hung myself whose going to be liable when they put that saw through someones door and saw them in half?
Merseyside police responded to my previous email by sending another link.
Hi, all I have received is a covering letter and nothing that I asked for, can it please just be sent out by post, that wasn’t an option on the form, only coming into a police station which I cant do and email which obviously seems to be incorrectly described on the form as, I expected it would just be sent by normal email. I am not well and this is very stressful. I have a legal entitlement to this information and I feel like you are trying to get out of providing it to me for some reason,.
Hope this email finds you well. I am just going to progress you through to the GCSE course. So you should receive an email over the next few days with further instructions. Thanks,
Hi, I didn’t receive an email from anyone about this, and I have logged into what you told me to, and it says that I haven’t received anything could you please look into this further for me Thanks
(I have redacted information both at the beginning and end of this email which includes the personal details and contact details of the emails sender)
The sender of this email is the same person as the sender of the emails in part one, part three, part four and part six.
I can confirm I am in receipt of your complaint. I have contacted the officers who attended at your home address and I have asked for responses from them regarding the action they took and why. Once I have received their responses and reviewed all the evidence, I will then make a decision whether or not the police service was acceptable. You will receive my findings in writing in due course and review rights if required. Any questions or queries please do not hesitate to ask.
My colleague Mr Capper sent the response to you on 10/09/2020 via secure email called egress. I have attached the information for you to create a free account to access the response information.
Kind regards
The responder did send a link in this email however, no link had been previously sent like they claimed it had.
I got an email from a lady on the 14th saying my complaint had been passed back to you to deal with and i’m looking for an update. I’m having some issues with getting the data I requested through my subject access request which I am still perusing however I now have some heavily redacted documents in my possession which states my mother said I had said “I might as well hang myself” no further context other than I have attempted suicide in the past. The response to this by the police seems heavily over dramatic and discriminatory. I apparently I didn’t say I was going to kill myself, or even that I wanted to kill myself. I apparently at worst made a flippant or sarcastic remark (which I didn’t actually make I, never said it) and when I called back and said I was fine and she was being over dramatic it really does seem like you should have realised that my mother was being dramatic. Also why are you allowed to take previous attempts into consideration, especially when before these attempts I had presented myself to several different crisis agencies and been turned away. Should this be allowed to follow me for the rest of my life? can anyone call up at any time and say, ‘Well she’s done it before,’ and you turn up with a saw and saw my door down for my own good? The more I find out the more my initial views about what happened that night are validated. At best this is starting to look like a case of discrimination against me because I have mental illness. It seems that I am correct and I don’t in the eyes of the police have a right to privacy, and that you can turn up while im trying to sleep, while I am out and can’t respond, when im in the shower, or being intimate with a partner, and demand I present myself like an animal in the zoo, because I have a mental illness. I am very very upset about this, and the effect it has had on my health and life, and how I have been treated and am still being treated, by the police since.
Hi i put in a subject access request over a month ago. It was sent in by post on the 13th of august and I am looking to find out what is happening with it. If you could please get back to me by email and let me know I would be really grateful my email address is…
(I have redacted information both at the beginning and end of this email which includes the personal details and contact details of the emails sender. As well as information at the beginning in regards to my reference number.)
The sender of this email is not the same sender as in any of the previous emails.
Dear Miss Vannucci
Please find attached letter in relation to your complaint against police.
Regards
The letter attached states that I have complained that the officers had no right to enter my premises (True) or to check on my welfare (Not true), then it lists the names and badge numbers of the four people involved, finally it tells me that they will be passing the complaint back to the original officer who was dealing with it.
yes that would really help thank you. im fine with white paper but can i use blue pen if the text is black? im sorry if sounds like im being difficult im not its just very frustrating for me. If i have to spend another year on functional skills learning that the plural of goose is geese just to get to gcse level i will but i just feel like none of what i need was addressed at all and i was just told well really you know this you should be taking a gcse. That doesnt help me and i cant be the only one with my issues. I feel like there must be rules i can learn to get to where i need to be. If theres rules and i know them then i can follow them otherwise i start to feel lost and overwhelmed then stressed and then im just completely unable to function.
If we do enrol you, your tutor would apply for Exam access arrangements. You would be given support with like different coloured paper/ extra time etc. Would it help if I post the assessment to you? It would only be on white paper as this is all I have at home. You could then take pictures and send it back to me? Thanks,
Please note this may have more mistakes and be more poorly written than my previously shared emails as I have simply copied and pasted it in due to the contents of this particular email.
Yes i would id also ask that you consider how the action taken does not meet the guidelines an that i should have been informed of my s135 rights but instead i was told i have none
point 1: Where possible the police response should be supported by:
a trained police negotiator
someone who knows the individual (where practicable)
mental health professional.
Why wasnt my mother told that either she attend if she was genuinely concerned as process states the police should be supported by someone the individual know if possible and this was possible
why is it ok for her to call the police and i HAVE NO CHOICE but to deal with them at 4am but her as the call does
point 2: Suicide may be averted if people receive immediate and appropriate support. Options for intervention should be carefully considered, and the best course of action will depend on an assessment of the immediate risks to the individual, risks to others, the needs of the individual, and their location.
Did my mother say i said i was going to hang myself or that i wanted to hang myself because one is a reason for you to respond the other really isnt did i say it on this occasion?
No
Do i want to hang myself?
A lot of the time.
That doesnt mean i am going to do it.
And even if you feel it is appropriate to follow up with me to check im not going to do it is not an appropriate reason for you to force access to my property.
Im sure lots of people say that WANT to rob a bank and mean it but have no plans to do it.
Are you going to go out to all of them and force access to their property to check they arent going to do it?
Under section 17 PACE, a police constable may enter and search any premises for the purpose of saving life or limb or preventing serious damage to property. Therefore, in order to force entry to premises to re-detain an AWOL patient, the police can only use section 17 PACE if they have a genuine belief that life is imminently at risk.
Outside these circumstances, a warrant under section 135(2) MHA 1983 is required.
adjective
1 1. about to happen.”they were in imminent danger of being swept away”
What did they believe was about to imminently happen that justified them not getting a warrant?
Also what were they planning to do if they entered under force and found i was planning to do something because the also need that warrant to detain me and/or take me to hospital. That isnt covered by section17ePACE because it only covers forced entry to literally and under imminent conditions save my life.
They did not save my life in anyway. i was not disarmed or given medical treatment therefore Section17ePACE was not lawfully used.
Point 4: Officers may feel that it is appropriate to ask about a number of topics, starting with more general questions and gradually focusing on more direct ones, depending on the answers provided. This must be done with respect, sympathy and sensitivity. Open-ended questions should be asked, such as: ‘how do you feel?’
Suggested tactics were not used as how I FELT was irrelevant even though i was the subject of the welfare check.
point 5: Response to a non-immediate risk of suicide
Police officers should refer to the following resources when considering what services are available to support a person who seems vulnerable to suicide but does not seem to be presenting an immediate risk:
again another point stating they should have gotten a warrant
point 6: communication guidelines which were not followed
The police should consider how their presence, attitude and demeanour may influence a person’s reaction when approaching a member of public for any reason. This reaction will have an impact on subsequent risks to officers, suspects and the public.
Help in facilitating communication may sometimes be necessary. Officers and staff can seek assistance from:
parents, family and carers
an intermediary (for a witness)
an appropriate adult (for a suspect)
a mental health professional, learning disability nurse or other relevant professional
someone who knows the person well
a specialist adviser (as in a hostage or firearms situation)
a specialist voluntary agency.
Officers should, however, be mindful of not excluding the subject from conversation or decision making in favour of a carer, intermediary or advocate unless their needs demonstrate that this requirement exists – see Mental capacity.
Attitude, patience and empathy
Effective communication can increase the availability of information from the individual (concerning their illness or disability and the rationale for their behaviour) and improve risk management by enabling informed decision making. This is valuable information if an individual intends to self-harm or take their own life, or if there are immediate safety concerns for the public.
i wasnt treated with empathy or patience at all
De-escalation
De-escalation is an approach and range of tactics that may be used by the police or other professionals to calm an agitated individual to reduce or prevent the use of force or restraint.
Verbal de-escalation and containing a disturbed or confused and vulnerable person in a calm, ideally familiar, and closed environment may be safer and less traumatic for the individual. It may reduce the need for physical restraint and sectioning.
Practitioner experience suggests that, where possible, officers and professionals should maximise the time and space provided so that an individual is offered every opportunity to calm down.
Failure to listen and actively engage in dialogue to draw out an explanation for apparently aggressive or odd behaviour represents a missed opportunity to de-escalate and resolve a situation informally before arrest and restraint may be necessary. An individual who is frightened, confused or injured may appear to be experiencing mental illness, but this should not be assumed before the subject has had a good opportunity to explain what is going on.
point 7: When is police intervention appropriate?
If police officers are the only professionals present at an incident in which questions of mental capacity are raised, they are accountable for ensuring that any assessment or intervention is lawful under the MCA.
I have borderline personality disorder so I suffer with overwhelming emotional issues, and pseudo psychosis, and bpd is a stress triggered illness, so when put under stress I can start to hallucinate become, emotional shut down, and suffer with racing and disjointed thoughts etc. Obviously there are going to be emotion based questions which I may struggle to answer and I’ve been given no sort of real work around for this at a functional skills level. It also means that i may struggle to understand exactly what a question is asking me to do for example make something up, or work from information given, if the instructions arent clear. I find it easier to work on paper, in a pen that is a different colour to the text already on the page, and sometimes it helps to work over several sheets of paper first to try and get my thoughts in order. I know where i struggle with english because i have a degree, and so writing essays, dissertations, etc were a large part of that. I struggle with emotion, i struggle with grammar, spelling and with mixing up words, etc. This is not because im not capable, its because of my illness, and so i just feel frustrated that im going to under achieve not because im not capable, but because im at a massive disadvantage because of my mental health issues, and if theres no support that can be put in place for tests and assessments then im never going to progress
(I have redacted information both at the beginning and end of this email which includes the personal details and contact details of the emails sender)
The sender of this email is the same person as the sender of the emails in part one and part three.
Further to my last , I can confirm receipt of two further emails from you which makes three in total.
I have reviewed your emails , wishes and I believe I will not be able to resolve your complaint without taking further investigative steps. At this moment in time your complaints have been logged, would you like them to be officially recorded? Once they are recorded, the complaints will be sent to the Detective Inspector who will review and instruct me further.
I am a bit unsure of what you are asking around support taking the test? Do you mean that you had in class support in your maths? As that is something you could apply for through college yes. College is not open at the moment. However, you might be able to use the library in the city centre?
(I have redacted information both at the beginning and end of this email which includes the personal details and contact details of the emails sender)
The sender of this email is the same person as the sender of the email in part one.
Apologies for the delay in returning your emails but I have been off duty the past three days. I note you would prefer to correspond via email and that is absolutely fine by me.
I have reviewed your complaint and the circumstances leading up to it. I am also in possession of police body worn footage of the incident and the dispute you were having with officers regarding their powers of entry.
I would appreciate it if you could bullet point each of your complaints so I can further review. I would also like to ascertain your wishes and how I can resolve your complaint.
I was told that level two is the same level as a gcse, but it is a gcse that I need is that not the case?
I have also spent the last year being told I should have been taking a gcse rather than a functional skills course, which is frustrating if I have to spend another year on functional skills being told the same thing. I have just achieved a grade 5 in gcse maths, and maths is my weaker subject. Do you have a paper test I could take or is the college open for me to come in and use a computer? Is there no support or help given from the english department for people who may struggle during tests because of mental health issues? Because I have just completed a maths gcse and they were willing to give me support for my mental health issues during tests?
In response to your email I will call you if necessary however, I would prefer to correspond through emails for several reasons 1. My mental health was bad anyway and since this it is far worse, and I am on further medication, which means I am having more frequent and intense episodes, which are easily triggered, and I am very confused easily. 2. I am not happy in relation to the fact that it is the merseyside police dealing with my complaint, and would much prefer an independent third party to be dealing with this. I have never had a good experience at all with the merseyside police and find that the merseyside police are a hostile, uncaring force, who seem to lack any type of understanding or common sense when dealing with issues or complaints therefore, I would prefer to have all correspondence between ourselves in writing. 3. If I do not get a satisfactory response, what I mean by this is that if i’m met with the same dangerous attitude, the attitude of you have no rights and we are above the law, that I have been met with at every step of this process so far, I will be seeking to deal with this as a legal and political issue. As a mentally ill person advocating for the rights of the mentally ill and disabled, and equality and fairer treatment, this is not a joke to me, and I am prepared to fight this injustice and quite frankly obvious victimisation to the very end.
On the night in question I was a victim of police intimidation, I completely had every civil right put in place to protect me from this behaviour, and to ensure that as a mentally ill person I get the appropriate help in an appropriate way when there is a reason to believe that help is needed, taken away from me, which has not only led to a worsening of my mental health, which i’m now on buspirone for, and still barely functioning on, but I was also denied appropriate help in an appropriate way, which actually left me more vulnerable to what you say you were trying to help me with. I was horribly violated and victimised. I was used as an object to exert power over, and as a bit of fun an excitement. I have been left in constant fear for my physical safety. I have been left afraid that the police can, and will, physically touch me how and when they want, and will be able to say it was for my own good.
If this is not dealt with, I will never be able to ask for help again when I need it, out of fear the police will be called, and my mother will never call in a wellfare check again. This leaves me extremely vulnerable to my mental illnesses. I will never feel safe, and never not be afraid of the police if this is not dealt with.
The police have no rights to force entry or search my property as a standard practice of a wellfare check under section 17e pace, and the calling in of a wellfare check its self is not a valid reason for forced access to my property, or physical contact of my body. How dare I be told you have a right to harm me to stop me potentially harming myself. How dare you tell me you have any rights to touch me in anyway. It is my right to say who touches me an how. Your rights and responsibility’s as far as wellfare check go are ABC and report, alive, breathing and conscious, and then to report it to the relevant agency to follow up on. If you find me alive, breathing and conscious and I refuse the welfare check that is my right. The only time you have rights under section 17e pace to force entry after this is to disarm me or give me life saving medical care etc. If I am alive, breathing and conscious and I refuse the wellfare check and you still think I am a danger to myself you must get an section 135 warrant. Do not tell me you dont need one. You need one for very good reasons. 1. You don’t know how i’ll react to forced entry to my flat, it could cause me to harm myself. If you had an section 135 warrant then although you dont have to have to legally, it is very likely that a mental health professional would be called to assist, and either talk me out of the flat or find a safe entry way, such as you know, picking up my mother, who is apparently so concerned for my safety and only lives five minutes away if that in a car, to come and open the door with the spare keys she has, and if shes not willing to do that i’d say she’s obviously not as concerned for my safety as she said she was. 2. They would have done the appropriate checks to find out what my illnesses are, and if there are reasons I might not want to co operate with the police, so again the situation could be dealt with appropriately. 3. If you really believe I am a danger to myself, then I need detaining under the mental health act, while I wait for and while I get assessed. I could have not been co operating with you because I was having a psychotic episode. I could have been suicidal and killed myself after you left. 3. To do an appropriate search of my flat. It’s not hard for someone one to hide a belt or boxes of pills etc, under a sofa or behind a tv stand.
I have already written a detailed list of issues in my original complaint, as well as a further email to update you further on this situation. I have been told you have these but I will forward them onto you in case this is not the case. I wont repeat myself here. This includes how I want this dealing with.
Thank you for your email. The level that you would be offered would be Level 2 for next year, as you completed Level 1 last year. Please email me with any further questions. Thanks,
I am writing to acknowledge your complaint received in this department on 12/08/2020 and allocated to me on the 27/08/2020. It is logged with reference number (I have redacted reference number.)
In order to resolve your complaint effectively, I would like to communicate further with you in order to fully understand your complaint and identify how you would like it to be resolved.
You can contact me on phone (I have redacted email senders phone number)or email , alternatively provide me a number along with a time that is convenient for you, between 08:00 and 15:00 between Monday and Friday.
(I have redacted personal and contact information of the email sender.)
Hi i made a complaint either monday or tuesday and i phone your advice line today and asked how i add to it and they told you i had to email in i need to add two things first after seeking information on what s17pace was i was told they would have been referring to s17epace which is to save life or limb i have been advised that this can not be used as standard practice to gain entry for a welfare check and exists to let the police enter the property if they have justifiable reason to believe there is imminent threat to life which they did not have in this case as i had informed them i was fine had no plans to harm myself (and i have a right to refuse a welfare check if i am the subject of the welfare check) and was responding i have been told reasonable cause is something along the lines if they had reason to believe i had a weapon and was planning to use it if i needed immediate medical assistance such as if i stopped responding etc i have been told that if they had genuine concerns about my safety which did not require immediate medical assistance or disarmament they should have got an s135 warrant and that this warrant exists to not only get me appropriate help in an appropriate way if i need it but is also there to protect me from the type of situation that happened to me
i would like to add some effects that have occurred since i made my complaint i am now hallucinating police sirens and flashing lights on occasion in the carpark outside my flat which is very distressing i have lost weight already due to not eating and although i started eating very small amounts of food late last night or early hours of this morning i can not keep anything down and bring it back up if my anxiety or stress peaks
since learning about the s135 warrant and what s17epace is and there differences i have decidedly changed my mind about what i want the outcome to be i would like all four members of the police that attended to be disciplined and prosecuted appropriately i have made several attempts to raise my concerns with the merseyside police and been met with hostility if appropriate i would like the same action taken against any members of staff who are also helping to protect these officers as it is at worse police intimidation and abuse of power and at worst police misconduct and abuse of power as i have been told regardless of whether or not they genuinely believed they were acting on behalf of my well being they are not allowed to violate my rights and say they did it out of concern or for my well being they must act accordingly and secure the right warrants and behave appropriately
Note. The complaint that I sent in was both sent via email first because I was struggling so badly with things, and then later through the form on their website.
I had also made several complaints already to the Merseyside police before putting in my complaint to the I.O.P.C, all of which were dealt with rudely, hostilely and dismissed by the merseyside police.
This is the response I received from the I.O.PC
(I have redacted information here, all information about the sender such as email address and name.)
Dear Enquirer Thank you for contacting the Independent Office for Police Conduct (IOPC). We acknowledge receipt of your email dated 14 August 2020. We are completely independent of the police service and are responsible for making sure that the police complaints system in England and Wales works effectively and fairly. However, each police force is responsible for considering complaints made against them in the first instance. I have checked our systems and it appears we have not received a complaint directly from you either via post or email, given the information provided. As such, it seems you may have submitted a complaint against the police via our website. Please be advised, we have no sight of such complaints; they are directed to the Professional Standards Department (PSD) of the force concerned to log. Therefore, to establish the current status of your complaint, or to submit further information, you must contact the PSD of Merseyside Police directly; their details are listed below.
(I have redacted information, all of which was contantact information here.)
You should, usually, hear from the PSD within 15 working days of submitting a complaint. However, given the current Coronavirus (Covid-19) pandemic it may take longer for them to contact you. I have attached further information on the police complaints process that the IOPC oversees for your attention. Kind regards
(I have redacted information here, mostly personal and contact information of the sender, but also a lot of the useless information about data protection and surveys etc.)
Please be advise this letter is terribly written and I have tried to clean it up a bit and make it more readable and understandable. I was in an awful mental and physical state when I wrote it and was on a lot of sedatives.
This is a letter that I wrote earlier this year to the I.O.P.C after and about the incident that took place at 4Am on the 8th of August 2020.
This complaint is in regards to the merseyside police, who bullied their way into my property using threats and intimidation, which included threatening to saw my door down with a saw and charge the cost to me, and using physical force on me.
I would like to say here, and now, that this was meant to be a welfare check on me, due to my mother saying I had called her and said I was going to hang myself, which is not true. We did speak on the phone and we argued, no threats were made by me about my safety, or that I would harm myself. If I had been charged the price of a sawn down door, which first of all does not seem fair as I never made any threats to my safety, so either the police or my mother should have covered the cost, I would not have been able to afford it because im currently in both a terrible financial situation, and I have lost and fear I will lose more possessions in my flat due to mould, and have previously attempted suicide because of financial strain. I have also attempted to commit suicide once because I was the victim of an assault. So their behaviour in how they went about gaining access to the property could have caused me to commit suicide after they left the property or later on even though I wasn’t suicidal when they arrived at my property.
I wont go into the circumstances around the argument with my mother which led to her calling the police because it is irrelevant to my complaint, but I will say she would not have called them if she was concerned about me because she knows I am afraid of the police. I also understand that police do welfare checks and have had welfare checks before via phone or them at the door where speaking to me was enough evidence I was fine so I really dont understand why this time was different.
My reason for the complaint is that I dont believe the police were acting correctly as I am a vulnerable adult being that I have co morbid borderline personality and adjustment disorder. I live alone and am a small woman. I don’t think they were acting with my safety or well being in mind and think they were far more concerned with gaining access to the property purely so they could say “we did what we had to do.”
This event has left me severely afraid and traumatised. I had trouble feeling safe in my flat before and now I don’t feel safe at all. I feel like the police can come and saw down my door or assault me and say it was for my own good whenever they feel like it. I’m constantly crying, I have worse sleeping problems now than I had previously, and I’m not eating. I feel constantly as though i’m having a panic attack and if I hear a police siren I completely lose it. I have had to be put on diazepam because of this. As im already on quietiapine and getting very little sleep this means I falling more often. I also suffer with pseudo seizures which are stress related seizures and so both during and now because of this incident i’m at risk of having seizures. These have all hit me particularly hard because the crying, anxiety, panic attacks and seizures where all things that I was managing much better and now the crying, anxiety and panic attacks are paralysingly bad. I can not go about my normal activities which were already very restricted.
I have co morbid borderline personality disorder and adjustment disorder both illnesses which are triggered by stress and trauma so the polices visit has actually worsened my condition, symptoms and struggles. It has left me feeling very depressed, vulnerable, powerless and hopeless. It had also put me in a very vulnerable situation because now if I ever feel suicidal in the future I wont be able to reach out for help because i’m scared the police will turn up and get involved.
I do not believe the police had reasonable belief that I was a danger to myself to force entry or use physical force on me. I had even called 999 before they arrived to explain that there was no risk to my safety from myself. And although I begin to discus possible entry to my flat I never give them permission to enter and move out the way only to avoid being physically assaulted. This is evidenced when the female officer enters the flat and I say ‘I don’t want this to be happening’.
I have been assaulted by the police before, in august 2018, while at Aintree Hospital. This assault happened after I had tried to get myself sectioned and was left sitting alone. Nobody bothered to tell me that I had been sectioned. It was very late at night, my medication was over due and I had a seizure earlier in the day, so was sweaty and wanted a shower. When I tried to leave a security guard said to a police officer who was their with somebody else, ‘Stop her please.’ and gave no reason. The officer decided the reasonable approach was to grab me by the arm twist it in a way it shouldnt bend and run me very hard and fast into a wall.
The police who came to the flat, knew that I was afraid of them, its very clear I am distressed and that they are the cause of that distress. I told them I felt harassed and had been assaulted before and even told them I was scared yet, they chose to use intimidation and threats to get me to engage with them rather than try to calm me and the situation down. At one point one of the officers even taunts me.
Examples
-They say ‘You only have one option open the door or well put it through.’
-They sound really eager and excited when they say ‘Go get the ram go get the ram dave’ ‘Just going to get the ram put the door through’
They really sounded like they were enjoying it and that getting to ram my door down was exciting
There is a second time this happens when they say ‘Go get the saw dave we’ve given you fair warning’ I havent committed a crime this is meant to be a welfare check why are they warning me rather than trying to calm me down?
At this point I have told them that police have assaulted me in the past, so its very clear im afraid, but they dont care i’m afraid cos when I tell them i’ve been assault before they reply saying, they dont know why im being obstructive. Are they really that unsympathetic to the fear they are causing or are they not listening to me because, i’d imagine sympathy and listening are two tools they should be using during a welfare check rather than warnings.
-one of the officers says ‘Are you scared are you?’ His tone was menacing, taunting and like he was enjoying it. He knew I was scared because he asks this after i’ve already told them i’ve been assault by police before.
Theres no way he can say this is a valid question and not him enjoying himself because, he knows the answer and if he actually cared he surely he would have said something more caring like ‘Look if your scared…’ you can hear how intimidated I am by this because I ask ‘Why should I be scared of you?’ at which point its obvious he realises its inappropriate to taunt me because he says ‘That why you wont open the door’ so he knows im scared. Why arent they trying to deescalated the situation?
Why do they think threatening to saw my door down is going to calm my fears?
He then tells me ‘You’ve got no reason to be scared’ well I have and i’ve already told them I have and that i’ve been assaulted before by the police.
-When they do try and reassure me they make it sound like i’m being unreasonable when he says ‘I genuinely dont think anything is going to happen to you be realistic’
-Yet once the door is open they tell me ‘We can just push are way through’ when i say ‘your saying you can basically assault me to come into my property’ They respond ‘ye’ and essentially ye’ so they’ve gone from be realistic you wont be harmed to, we can and will assault you to gain entry to your property. Therefore my reasons for me not wanting to open the door is valid. Its disgusting that the police can assault me and say its for my own good.
I am on antipsychotic medication and struggle to sleep, which which i’d already told them several times I was trying to sleep and that i’m on anti psychotic medication, this means i’m dizzy and unstable on my feet,I fall over alot anyway
so if I was pushed even slightly I could have banged my head and died or been impaled on one of the metal bed frames that are in my hallway.
-They keep knocking on the door even though i’m speaking to them
-They keep revving the saw.
They deal with the situation in a really confrontational combative manner arguing with me and calling me a liar
-They say ‘We can record you too’
-They tell me I have no rights when I say i’ll sue them ‘you’ll never win weve got the power to put the poor through section 17 of pace we’ve got no case to answer’
⁃ They reference section 17 pace again later when they are threatening to assault me. Why do they keep referencing laws I don’t understand? Why aren’t they engaging on a none threatening level I can understand?
⁃ They say to me at one point I know the law,I don’t, i’m just a terrified, vulnerable woman who, can’t understand why on this welfare check they want to put my door through on hearsay, when on times i’ve been the one one whose undeniably said it theyv just phoned me
⁃ ‘You’re being obstructive’ i’m clearly distressed by their presence and afraid. This is meant to be a welfare check yet they keep making it about them, their obligations, and their rights. There’s no concern for my well being being shown by them. There meant to be checking on me looking after me. Its clear they have no interest in my welfare they just want to get into my flat and do their inadequate check they are required to do.
⁃ they call me rude. i’m clearly distressed and afraid
⁃ I’ve counted eight times I tell them I never threatened myself ‘I didn’t say it to her’ ‘she has, she’s called you for no reason’ ‘I didn’t say it’ ‘she’s full of shit’ ‘I haven’t said that to her. I didn’t say that to her’ ‘I haven’t said that’ ‘The remarks have come from her’ ‘I never said anything’ and i’ve counted eight times they dont listen to me or call me a liar ‘Because of comments youv made’ ‘Where’s the remark come from’ ‘You must have done’ ‘I don’t think she is’ ‘The remarks come from somewhere’ ‘ I don’t think she lied to us’ ‘It’s got to have come from somewhere’ ‘Your mums not called us for no reason’ and thats not including them talking over me and calling a liar when I try to explain the situation to them. I tell him im trying to sleep he says dont lie you called your mum. Ye for a quick five minute conversation. If he knew anything about mental health he’d know this is a sleep hygiene technique, instead he says she was trying to sleep. I try to explain that she wasn’t and he calls me a liar again, did he assume she was trying to sleep or did she say that, because people don’t all have the same routine especially people who dont work due to health issues. We sleep when we can or when it’s easier for us to do so, so if he assumed that’s wrong and something he shouldnt be doing he should be working on facts not assumptions. My mum has always said I can call her whenever, for whatever, however it’s very normal for us to talk late night and early hours of the morning, yet he assumes she probably isn’t sleeping because i’m ringing her, not because of her own health issue or routine. This incident has destroyed mine and my mothers very complicated relationship, she does nasty things for no reason sometimes, it’s why I have borderline personality disorder, because my childhood was traumatic, so again they obviously have no knowledge of mental illness, but if it hadn’t destroyed our relationship it certainly would have destroyed my ability to get support from her when I need it the most, because did she say I woke her up or did he assume that?
As I said it’s obvious the officers responding have no training or very poor training in mental illness and dealing with it, as because of my borderline personality disorder, the way they behaved IF I HAD been suicidal at the time, actually could have forced me to act on those suicidal thoughts even if I hadn’t been planning on before they arrived
⁃ my borderline personality disorder means i get suicidal ‘fuck you’ driven episodes, where i’ll do things to show people they have upset me, so while their playing with the saw, I could have opened the door and threw myself on it, or I could have waited for them to start sawing down the door and pressed my body against the saw
⁃ I get impulsive I don’t need to do this thing episodes, also those like the ‘fuck you’ episodes are driven by thoughts that dont feel like mine they, feel like a foreign entity in my brain and its very manic thoughts that feel euphorically freeing in the moment, in moments when I feel powerless such as this one, so like I went through a phase where whenever I got post these thoughts would be like, ‘You don’t have to open your post you can open your throat instead,’ so im telling you that their attitude of open the door or well break it down could have IF I HAD been suicidal caused me to cut my throat, and thats a very serious thing as far as im concerned. Officers should only be responding if they are trained in mental illness and they should ask for information on how your illness effects you and tailor their response to that
⁃ They tell me to stop shouting, i’m have a stress and fear triggered BPD episode so i’ve gone into uncontrolable fight or flight mode, my first response was flight they told me that wasnt an option, so now i’m acting in response to my situation which is that im afraid for my safety and i’m cornered
⁃ The search of my flat was for show and not a real search, therefore it was inadequate if i was suicidal, and so forcing their way into my flat and causing me severe trauma was pointless. They even let me know its going to be inadequate because they tell me she wont touch anything. They say one thing they are looking for is evidence i’ve taken pills, in a real suicide attempt, especially one where I was preinformed the police were coming, i’d have thrown out the empty packets or put them in a cupboard, no bins were opened when she left and she didnt search all my cupboards. I might be misremembering, but they said they have their body cams on so you can check, but im pretty sure she passed two closed cabinets in my hallway, but youd have to check on that one
⁃ They say an ambulance is coming, no ambulance turns up, surely it would be more beneficial to my welfare for them to talk me down with the door closed while they wait for the paramedics to assess me for this overdose i’m meant to be getting assessed for, and then get me to open the door and check my flat while the paramedic assess me. I was never assessed, their so concerned im going to kill myself that theyll saw down my door and assault me, but no ambulance turns up and i’m not examined for this overdose their concerned about.
⁃ Also when the female officer comes back he asks her calmly like they know her answer ‘are you happy’ they knew I wasn’t a risk to myself. This was never out of concern for me it was a box ticking exercise so they could say weve done what we had to do.
⁃ I feel this is obvious because I then say I want to report a crime of lying to to the police, which is what my mothers done, and they say first before i’ve even finished speaking, do it in the morning and second I can’t do it at all
⁃ Another reason it’s obviously not a genuine welfare concern and just a box ticking exercise is that i’m asked who’d be liable if i’d have killed myself, having not made any threats of that kind, but IF I HAD been suicidal why would I care about where liability lies, im not thinking about liability im thinking about my safety, my mother was according to her and them thinking about my safety and not liability, why are they thinking about liability and not my welfare if this is a welfare check
Another point of concern for me is why he pretended he couldnt hear me, it felt like he was playing a game with my safety and rights, like he was both enjoying it and wanted so much to saw the door down, but that they didnt actually have reasonable cause while I was speaking to them he says ‘whats that’ ‘I cant hear you’ ‘I cant hear you’ ‘i’m not satisfied your safe’ but hes heard me fine over the ten minutes previous which they also mention weve been speaking through the door fine for ten minutes later when I open it but also he heard me to tell me I had no rights when I said i’d sue them and I was much farer away
Other concerns I shouldn’t be liable for the door if it was sawn down, because I have no control over what lies people tell about me, if they sawed that door down and found absolutely nothing like they did the police or my mum should have to pay for the door, not me.
And because I can’t prosecute people for telling lies about me theres nothing stopping this from happening again
The way the officers involved behaved is dangerous and i’d hope seriously isn’t legal, because if it is the police are dangerous to some of the most vulnerable people in our society, and I am suffering greatly now because of their behaviour, I could have been seriously injured or killed and, i’m sure people have before and will be again if the police are allowed to behave this way. This was meant to be a welfare check and I was treated in away that has destroyed my already fragile mental health, it was meant to be for my safety and yet its put me at much greater risk of harm coming to me now because of my seizures and sedation, and in the future if I ever am suicidal because i’ll be too scared to ask for help
Attached are the links to the videos I took of the event
The psychotic girls guide to surviving the human apocalypse 