DissociationSubsection 1.aA fully missing chunk of time, that I realise is missing during the event itself -Example

To set the scene

Me, and my then boyfriend, were buying a house on a very stressfully rent to buy scheme when this took place.

This scheme gave us six months to save up a six thousand pounds deposit, while living in, and paying rent on the property, at a reduced rate.

If we did not have the six thousand pounds for the deposit by the end of the six months, we would lose both the house, and our credit ratings.

What made this period of my life worse, was that as soon as entered into this agreement with the property developers, my previously friendly colleagues began to bully me.

The event

(Which, I am going to tell in exactly the way it felt like it happened to me.)

On this particular day, I had not had time to make a lunch for work, so being both on a tight budget, and at this time being an undiagnosed binge eater, I decide it would be sensible to take just enough money with me to buy a sandwich and a bottle of water.

I left the office, went downstairs, outside, and next door, to the Sainsbury’s, where I had gone regularly to buy my lunch before being on such a tight budget. I headed straight for the “meal deals” section, grabbed a sandwich and bottle of water, but not a snack, as I didn’t want a meal deal, then joined the queue.

Sitting back down at my desk, I immediately realise something was wrong. Not only did I have the sandwich and the water, I also had snacks and all the money I had taken with me. 

What I did not have, was a receipt and memory of being served.

This caused me to panic.

What had happened between me joining the queue, and sitting back down at my desk?

More importantly, had I paid for my food?

There are probably thousands of scenarios, I just can’t imagine, that could have led to me having my food and the money I took with me, but in the moment all I could think was that I must have left without paying for them.

Because this was the first time I had ever experienced this type of dissociation, I was an emotional mess. With a mixture of fear, worry and distress, fuelling me, I gathered my items and ran back to the Sainsburys.

When I asked the cashiers if I had just been served, one of them actually remembered serving me.

Part of me felt so relieved, I wanted to cry.

Another part of me wanted to request to see the CCTV, to see how the event had played out, but I knew I would be allowed to, and the cashiers were already looking at me like I was weird, so I just thanked them and left.