Carole

Genuinely, I can’t recall if I already mentioned why I distanced myself from Carole, as truthfully I rarely remember she even existed and I have searched my blood and chocolate titles and found none that suggest I have, so I am going tell you about it in this post.

It’s not a thrilling story, I just want to tie this section of my stories about the penthouse crew up, and to do it in a way that makes my situation at this point in my life clear where these particular people are concerned, which is that I was no longer friends with any of them.

It would be inaccurate to phrase what occurred with Carole as a falling out, because we were never close to begin with, and there wasn’t a single incident that divided us, more it was just that I couldn’t stand to be around her anymore, which is why I have chosen to use the phrase distance myself from her, as even after I fell out with Amy I still tried to be friends with Carole. As cruel as it sounds, I did have a valid reason for not being able to stand being around her, and I don’t think she cared, because I don’t think she could stand me either.

As always, I do want to be fair to the person I am discussing, in this case Carole, so I am happy to admit there were times when she was nice to me.

For example- when she lent me her camera, though I do wonder if the reason she offered to let me borrow it was so she could be involved in the event. Either way, her reason doesn’t matter to me, she didn’t need to offer to let me use it at all, and I am still very grateful she did.

One the other hand, there were times when it felt as though we were getting along well, then she turned around and was a bit of a cow to me for no reason.

The reality is, Carole was not an easy person to like, yet it is only now as I write this post about her that I realise this was the case. When this was happening, I actually felt bad about the way everybody else treated, and talked behind her back about, her.

The fact I, Carole seemed to have an overly hight opinion of herself, which I am never going to knock anybody for, confidence is a great thing and I sincerely wish everybody loved themselves. The problem with carols confidence was that it came from putting other people down. Carole blatantly thought some people were trash compared to her and treated them as such an awful lot. I was one of these people.

Again, I want to be fair to Carole, so I will state here that I know nothing about her, or her families, financial situations, all I know is that she liked to make things about money a lot, more precisely she liked to make things about other people’s money, especially mine.

Her issue with me wasn’t that I was a northerner, as she was also a northerner, and I have good reason to doubt that it had anything to do with me being from Liverpool, and more that it was to do with her friendship with Fee and May.

Once, at the beginning of our first year at university, me and Carole went shopping in Enfield together alone. We were having fun. She was even buying more than I was, and her purchases were all items she wanted, rather than needed. However, as soon as I spent money her attitude changed. All I bought that day was a few CD’s. Keep in mind this was the mid 2000’s, when music wasn’t as easy to stream for free, if it was at all, and everybody who I knew who listened to music online downloaded it illegally, which I never did. She lectured me on wasting money, during which she said, “If those are worth starving for, then you buy them.”

On a couple of occasions, when she desperately needed to do a food shop, but had nobody to go with, I went with her. I tended to do smaller, more regular shops, alone. Whereas the others tended to do bigger shops, less frequently, in groups, to the point they became incapable of going to the supermarket by themselves, especially if they didn’t drive. Sometimes though, I would go if they invited me, even if it was only to browse and/or buy snacks, regardless of whether I was going to have to put money in for taxi fare home. Which is what had happened on this night. Though there had been similar incidents that had taken place before this one.

For example- Sometimes, the penthouse crew would make group meals together. As me and Carole were vegetarians, we were never included in these events. This never bothered me, particularly as if I wanted to I would still eat with them, I would just eat whatever food I had made myself, but it did seem to bother Carole, so on one of these evenings I suggested me and her make dinner together. Her answer was, “You need your food more than I do.”

Her responses were so weird. I tried to write them off as her worrying about her own money, and projecting those worries onto other people, mainly me, but on this night I couldn’t, and I realised that it was more likely Carole had been looking down on me all along.

After unpacking our shopping, I began eating a yogurt as we talked in the larger kitchen.

“That looks so nice. I wish I’d bought some of them,” she told me, eyeing it.

Seeing as I had bought a mountain of them, I offered her one.

She replied, “You need protein more than I do.”

Bored of her cryptic responses , I questioned her, “Why do I need protein more than you?”

As she began rambling about “your money,” I noticed the disgust and judgement in both her expression and voice, but also I’m not stupid, so the irony of her talking about my money like she was doing me a favour after she had just used me for taxi fare home was not lost on me.

I was done.
I was done with her judgement, disgust, and hypocrisy.
I was done with her.