Torus complaint

section 1

part 5.a

written in 2022

Phil asked me at one point if I was working.

I explained that I wasn’t, because I’d lost my job due to mental illness, and was now very unwell as a result of that.

Here, Phil inappropriately insisted that LMH would get me back into work.”

The way in which he said it, would, if I hadn’t already been aware that this wasn’t the case, have led me to believe that trying to get back into work might be a condition of my tenancy agreement.

In fact his delivery of the sentence made me anxious to decline, because I was worried it would make me appear like I didn’t want to work, even though he said it in response to me telling him I am very unwell.

I am a vulnerable person, my anxiety, stress, and fear can cause me to be easily pressured into things that I don’t want to do, or aren’t right and/or best for me.

It did not feel to me like an offer, I felt like Phil expected me to agree to what he was saying to me.

Knowing that I was too unwell to even look for work, to the point it could be life threatening, due to the fragile emotional and mental condition I was in, I spoke up for myself, which was hard, and I pointed out to Phil that I had not long been discharged from a psychiatric hospital, and would need to get well before I was able to start looking for work.

Still, Phil persisted and went a step further by attempting to dictate what career I should have based on the fact I am a female, and his assumption of my gender. “I have a nice lady as a tenant who was sick too, and when she got better we helped her to train to be a nursery nurse. Wouldn’t that be nice? Wouldn’t like to be a nursery nurse when you’re better?” He said, in that voice that you would use to speak to an animal.

Would Phil have said this to me if I was a man?

I don’t think so.

However, even if he would have, I don’t think choosing a career for anybody is appropriate, and I certainly wouldn’t expect it to be part of his role as a housing officer.

How dare Phil look down on anybody this way, assuming that they are incapable of having or even choosing a career without his input.

I had a decade long career in banking, finance, financial services, and loans,. I do not need career advice from anybody, especially a housing officer.

I have a degree in a humanities subject.

There are many things that I would like to do with my life, that I probably would already be doing with my life now if it wasn’t for this flat keeping me sick, and none of them are being a nursery nurse. Believe it or not, my ovaries don’t ache when I’m not around babies and toddlers.

Let me make it very clear, that although Phil has made it obvious on several occasions that he believes he’s better than me, and all the other tenants in theses flats, he is not, and I sincerely wish four years on, and much distressing discrimination later, that I had told Phil I wasn’t an animal, so he wasn’t to speak to me that way. And, that choosing a career for a mentally disabled person is irresponsible, and dangerous, not to mention inappropriate.

All three of my mental illnesses present with stress related challenges and symptoms.

All of which are triggered and/or exacerbated by certain noises.

Mainly when stressed, I am prone to severe emotional and/or mental meltdowns, panic attacks that can be so bad I am completely paralysed during them, hallucinations, seizures, and suicidal episodes.

I don’t think anybody would disagree with me that one nursery age child is stressful, and loud. A whole classroom full of them is something else entirely.

Even once I’m in recovery, I will still be disabled, and therefore I will still have to avoid certain triggers.

Being a nursery nurse would not only have a negative impact on my disabilities even when I am in recovery, it would be a dangerous and irresponsible career choice for me to make.

Therefore it is not only a dangerous and irresponsible act for Phil to suggest it, it is inappropriate, and sexist because he obviously suggested it because I’m am female and Phil believes all female sexed people must constantly need to be around children.