Xenophobia

None of us knew what to say.

It was one of those rate moments in life when you can honestly apply the sayings- the silence was deafening, and you could cut the tension/atmosphere with a knife, to.

The expressions on the faces of everybody else in Johnnies room that afternoon suggested they were all struggling with the same problem, and how to approach it, as I was.

At nineteen/twenty, I had neither heard, nor seen, the word xenophobia, despite being subjected to it my entire life. Therefore, I believe these people who had never been subjected to it, didn’t understand what had just happened, even if they were aware of the word and its meaning.

Its one thing to be educated on a word that describes a type of hate, and another to experience, or even witness, it.

Our reaction raises great questions, questions that are more important today, in a society that claims to be “woke”, than it was when it happened, sixteen years ago, in a society that didn’t.

Are we educated enough on the different types of bigoted hate, and the people on the receiving end of it?

Do we understand that no form of bigoted hate is ok?

What happens when the answers to these questions are no?

To me, it seems, that at best, we get a group of people too confused and/or scared to confront a person for discriminatory hate, and unable to do in the correct way, because they have been taught the person who is carrying out the discrimination is vulnerable to the same type of hate they are inflicting on somebody else.

At worst, you get a group of people who think it is ok to hate one person for the same reason you cant hate another, and usually that group of people aren’t part of either the hated group, or the group they understand cant be hated.

To me, what Amy said- “Do you also find those two guys less hot now you know they’re Turkish?”- had seemed racist. (The two guys in question on this occasion, were the two guys who just weeks later would be in Ashani’s room when Charlie banged on the wall screaming her racist slurs about Ashani being from India.)

Now, I understand it was their nationality she had a problem with, but I still don’t understand why.

“I don’t find either of them hot, but it’s got nothing to do with them being Turkish,” I had answered.

My response only deepened the silence, and thickened the tension in the room.

What had I said wrong?

Uncomfortable, I tried to catch the eyes of anybody in the room who wasn’t Amy, desperate for a clue, but now, instead of staring at Amy, they were all looking at the floor.

Not knowing what else to do, I stood up and left, feeling terribly confused, awful about what I and Amy had said, and somehow responsible for the entire situation, even though what had set it off was the guys inviting us all to a party that night, and Amy’s comment after they left.